The world is round, so it appears to be flat. A flatworld is unstable, subject to crumbling and constant volcanic activity. This flat world is know as the Bermuda Platform. The Bermuda platform is a pancake or doughnut shaped world. (whichever makes you hungrier) Old land on the outer edge crumbles away and falls under the world to the center where it turns into magma until it is spurted forth from the volcanic range in the center of the world. In this way, the edge remains permanently unstable without the world losing any of its land. Unfortunately, this also means that if you like to live near the edge, you have to constantly move. No matter, since real estate near the edge sells for dirt cheap and you don’t have to pay for insurance since no one will give it to you anyway.
April 11, 2008
March 17, 2008
iRack
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March 10, 2008
NAACK (national association for the advancement of chicken kind)
Chickens outnumber humans. See? We are gaining power. Unfortunately most of the chicken populous is unskilled and under exercised factory chickens. Representative Trotskey of OEG has had enough of this discrimination. Here is a translated excerpted from his latest freedom rally.
“ I have a dream. When all chickens from all parts of the world will come together. The chicken factories shall close and we all shall join together in one great free-range community. We shall be allowed to interbreed, with no concern or necessity for pure-breds. The community shall have keeps at its borders for no community this large can hope to go without security. And those of us inside: Isa brown and barred rocks, white rocks with leghorns shall hold wings and sing together that ancient him from Animal Farm. I have a dream, that we shall be a separate and independent community of thriving aves. With no one to ruin it for us.”
Unfortunately, this was not to be. Trotskey was assassinated later that Tuesday by one of Lenin’s own. The dream of Trotskey lives on and until chickens die out shall continue to.
February 19, 2008
Shorah!
.Shorah b’Shemtee biv
Peace to everyone! Well, that was harder then I had hoped. Relax, its not Chinese, it’s just D’ni. No its not a code, its an actual language.
The D’ni resided(resode?) in a huge underground cavern. They are people of the rock, as any effort for expanding the cavern involves excavation. They wrote books that not only perfectly describe worlds, but provide a link to them. People of great influence would have a world, or age, to themselves, while the commoners would have access to the more public ages contained in the main library.
The process of book-making was spread out between guilds, the ink, paper, and the actual language used in books were kept secret from all but the most learned. This probably helped the D’ni avoid catastrophes with unskilled writers making faulty ages. Well, that should be enough for now, shorah!
February 3, 2008
Bob Dole
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January 25, 2008
Chicken Literature 101
Affirmative action:
You have two chickens; one black, one brown. You have the brown chicken for supper one cold night, but feel guilty for it afterwards. You buy two more chickens; one brown, one red. The brown chicken complains because it is being treated just like everyone else. The chicken feels that you should treat it better then the other two chickens to make up for the death of the old brown chicken. You give in once the red chicken starts to agree with the brown chicken and make sure that everyone else gets 2nd rate everything. The brown chicken thinks that its still not enough. You begin to grow tired of this. The black chicken doesn’t see how any of this has to do with her.
Free Media Attention:
You have two chickens. One has three legs. Some city far away runs an election between the two chickens to decide which one is the better looking. The media shows up prepared to televise the chicken show, but spend so much time taping the three-legged chicken that the two-legged chicken never makes it on air. Election day rolls around and most people are shocked to discover that there is more than one candidate. They vote for the chicken with three legs because, “the other one didn’t put near as much work into her campaign.”
Digital Divide:
Chicken Little E-mails Goosey-Loosey to tell her that the sky is falling. Goosey-Loosey’s computer gets disconnected from the internet and she doesn’t know how to fix it. The mechanic comes to her house and with a sigh plugs a cord into the wall, fixing the problem. Goosey-Loosey tries, but can never remember how to get into her E-mail account that Foxy-Loxy set up. Goose-Loosey’s account is canceled because of inactivity and Chicken Little’s message is never heard.
January 11, 2008
Polar Bears in New Zealand
Dedicated to Thomas Lavanway and Al Gore
Scientists all around the world acknowledged today the undebated existance of the phenomenon global cooling. They believe that the recent small-scale migration of polar bears to New Zealand is because of global cooling. If we do not stop the ever-falling heat, polar bears will continue to move from Antartica to New Zealand. Polar bears have been moving to New Zealand because the temperature in Antartica is too cold, even for them.
Local New Zealand authorities are becoming worried that the decrease in temperature and the increase of polar bears will force the New Zealanders from their homes. Australia went under a similar mass exedous thirty years ago and many ships, laden with Australians ran into ice trouble.
It looks like its going to be a good year for the icebreakers in the East Indies. Already more then 50 ships have been called out for ice breaking duty.
Members of both the UN and the peace corps have moved into the main New Zealand evacuation center to help with natives who are already trying to leave. In a teleconference last wednesday New Zealand UN representative Ted Juganhof said,
“We would like to remind everyone to fight global cooling by doing simple things like turning off lights when not in use and buying eco-friendly products. Alone, these may not seem to make much of a difference, but if everyone does them, their is no telling what we may accomplish.”
The peace corps and UN have also teamed up in the East Indies helping the countries their prepare for what promises to be a long winter.
December 17, 2007
Future Plans
Since I plan on obtaining a place of high power through my chickens, I will now be accepting requests. Please reply with ideas.
eg: Eddie “Pudding Friday”
December 14, 2007
Update on World-Takeover
You may not yet know this, but birds are planning to take over the world. My mission and goal is that it will be my chickens who are doing it so that I might hold great political power by being well respected as the one who got them there.
My two greatest rivals at the moment are geese and guinea fowl. The geese were the ones behind the creation and distribution of Avian Influenza, their intent being to wipe out major chicken and guinea flocks. The other humans have become distracted by the threat of the virus mutating into a form dangerous to them, that they are missing the real threat of world takeover by geese. Guineas have also been taking some major strides, though insignificant to those of the geese. Guineas have been taking a more politically sneaky route, selling themselves as faithful watchdog equivilents in order to gain a foothold in the world. Chickens however have been providing for the human race for as long as anyone can remember. The problem that I have been experiencing is a drop of work ethic. Chickens are starting to think that we don’t care about them anymore and are becoming depressed. Several of my own chickens have stopped laying eggs or quit altogether.
The future of our world depends on our chickens. We must not let the cunning guineas or the tyrannical geese destroy the world that we know and love.
